He turns to her, that angelic soul sitting in the passenger seat of the late model Volkswagen Passat, and stares curiously at the hands applying light blush and mascara. He sighs.
“Doth thou needest more hours to don thy disguise, Jules?”
“Only but a moment my lord,” she replies.
A raised eyebrow allows his disdain to escape unnoticed. Eyes like knives, the thieves of lives, shoot across the foot and a half betwixt the two lovers. She mindlessly paints her face with lab rabbit murder chemicals. After finishing, the two exit the vehicle.
“What is the level of beauty in thine appearance?”
He is speechless. Her incredible image renders him immobile.
“Such splendor has stolen words and heart.”
“Tongue of honey you possess. Like music unto thine ears. Shall we enter?”
“Indeed. Begrudgingly, our quest beginnith.”
The two emerge into the store hand in hand past new families and meatball fanatics. The vast expanse of home décor is intimidating; like a hooker, a la Julia Roberts, before a virgin.
“Romeo, Romeo, where fore art thou scented candles? Deny thy bedding and refuse thy modular furniture.”
“Dost my love seek fragrances available elsewhere? Hath we traveled to distant lands in search of candles?
“To be true.”
“Your gentleman is at a loss of the New England Tennessee match for your actions. The RedZone playeth not in this establishment.”
“Do not guilt the ones thou love.”
“What’s in a name? A Scandinavian furniture company’s candles would be just as sweet by any other title.”
“Candles the draw, the experience the holder.”
“The expectation of thine most profound love for you did not include this.”
“We hath taken our lives to be here together, and you wish you had not?”
She turns to him to look into his eyes. He lets out a heavy, pained breath. A lengthy pause follows.
“I won’t lie to you. Look, that whole suicide thing was just a ploy. And this stupid old English speech was me trying to get into your pants. I thought you was sexy as fuck and I was trying to hit that. This end table and pillow sham shit I ain’t with.”
“Thou hath discouraged love.”
“To be fair, Shakespeare never included the monotony and compromise of long term love. We were fucked from the jump.”